Today's peer review session was a bit shorter than I had hoped. Yet, many groups felt that they got some good feedback in today's session and felt confident they knew where to go next with their essays. Writing, especially the revising part of it, takes time and effort in order to produce excellent work.
Consider this sample development of a thesis from weaker to stronger:
Version #1: This ad is selling a luxury car. (Weakest -- not an argument that needs to be proven)
Version #2: This ad is selling luxury. (Weak -- too vague)
Version #3: This ad is selling upper class status and luxury. (Stronger, but not specific enough)
Version #4: This ad is selling the luxury of upper class status to average families. (Strong but could use more polished language)
Version #5: Using the image of the minivan as movie theater, this Audi ad sells the luxury of an upper class lifestyle to average American families. (Strongest, most specific, best elaboration)
In revising your essay this weekend, try to get each paragraph to level 5, which is the equivalent of A-level writing.
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